Showing posts with label reasons to break up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reasons to break up. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best Way To Break Up With Someone

There are ways to go about breaking up that will give you the best chance for a smoother trip through one of life's most difficult passages. This is an exceedingly sensitive time when it doesn't take much to stir things up. Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible. So here is the Best way to break up with someone .

Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful. It is essential to avoid words and actions that escalate from hurt, fear, and anger to hostility, lawyers, courts, and huge expenses. That would be very hard on you, on your kids if you have any, and devastating to your pocketbook.

For couples who are not married, breaking up presents many of the same challenges. In this discussion, if you replace divorce with breakup and spouse with partner, it will work the same for you.

If you decide to separate, don't do one more thing or say one more word to your spouse until you understand the rest of this article, and have read the other articles listed at the end. The way you announce the decision, or respond to it, will make a huge difference in the way things unwind.

The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven't accepted the idea that you're breaking up. Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans. Once the decision is made, it is presented to the other spouse as a done deal and the sooner the better. Opportunities to solve problems and possibly save the relationship have been lost. What's worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance. This person hasn't had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.

This is not a good time to push along on the breakup, even though the first spouse is ready and highly motivated to do so. Moving along too quickly at this point is the root cause of a lot more trouble to follow. If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce. By being abrupt and insensitive, you can almost guarantee a bitter, expensive divorce.

If you want to encourage a sane resolution of divorce issues, be patient, be sensitive, but most of all, slow down. Give your spouse time to process the changes. Stay positive and as close to your spouse as possible. You can express caring and concern while being firm in your decision. Work with your spouse until you can both accept the fact that going your separate ways is inevitable, and you can both focus on moving forward. This is the best way to break up, and will lead to the best result.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love. For most of us it seems inevitable nowadays. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship that will tell if the break-up is due anytime now?

>> Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends?
>> Test your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner.
>> Are you calculating money nowadays? Do you let some occasion go without making a present?
>> Test yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?
>> Test yourself. Do you argue a lot? Even on small things, you and your partner seems to go down your history and fight all over again.
>> Test your inner heart. It’s all about in the heart. Do you feel that the spark is dying?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up.Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Reasons To Break Up

Each day, more relationships fall apart...it seems like the list of things that can end them is endless, but really most of the biggest killers are fairly simple. If your relationship is in danger or has already broken apart, I'm here to help you by listing off some of the main reasons people go their separate ways. Once you know what are the reasons to break up , you can now fix it!

1) Unfaithfulness is a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable breakups...so the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

2) Neglecting your partner's feelings is another really hurtful thing that can cause a breakup, and in fact does a lot of the time. People have emotions, even the guys who like to act like they don't so much...and it really hurts when they're never considered by the person whom the love the most. Always listen to your partner, and be considerate of how he/she feels.

3) Fights happen in all relationships, it's almost natural, but when tempers really soar and people just can't cool off and take things with a level head it can really cause dissension. Nobody likes to be with a person who's always flying off the handle, and can't be reasoned with. Conflicts are going to happen, but how well they're dealt with separates the people who stay together from the couples that fragment and scatter.

4) Movies have made it seem like it's only ever girls who get too controlling, and in fact film has made it even seem funny, but the truth is that both guys and girls can become overly demanding and controlling of their partners...and it's no laughing matter, as anyone who's been in that kind of relationship can tell you. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and if you keep hounding your partner about what goes on every minute of every day, you won't have him or her either.

5) Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6) Annoying habits in small numbers can be almost endearing, but when they start to take over it can be a serious problem. Usually just having a bad habit of biting your nails or tapping your foot won't end a relationship, but when these things are a blatant constant and in larger numbers than just two or three, they can add a lot of stress that can make normally minor problems impact your partner a lot more. Everyone has a few bad habits, but in the interest of peacekeeping it's a good idea to try to ease up on the things that really drive your partner crazy.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the "demise" of a relationship, and these are really just a few of them...but by thinking this way you should have a good shot at identifying any of the things that are really hurting your relationship...and if you're in the middle of a breakup, then addressing problems like these could really help your chances of getting through it with your partner still by your side!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Questions To Ask Before Ending A Relationship

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

Are there so many questions running to your mind even though you know for thought of breaking up? Well, this is only common. You should pay attention to those questions to ask before ending a relationship, before you actually ends it. Because these questions if not answer properly might ruin your life forever.

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don’t miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

What Is The Best Way To End A Relationship

The majority of people on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you’ll foster resentment towards the other person which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!!

So what is the best way to end a relationship? A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner

Don’t just ignore her hoping she will notice and go away. You might have learned a little bit about push /pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

The "I think you're a great girl and I don't deserve you" line will seem ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you DO deserve her and try to convince you.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

When you break up, Do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn't’t going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal communication is only 7% of the total communication between people. If she also sees closed off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.

Telling somebody you are breaking up in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye contact and read your body language. The universal line of “ we need to talk." should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is coming and helps soften the blow a little bit. Do not put too much time between the “We need to talk" and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.
On doing some research on this I read a suggestion about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.

Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for anothers feelings. It is important to make eye contact,and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are VERY open to what you are saying) than give closed off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing anything else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt , and never back down- especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.

Than give that person some space usually a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the person as this can really mess with somebody’s head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Relationship Break Up Advice

Break ups are a most difficult part of life and relationships. When you are first starting that relationship, everything is new and exciting. Many times, as the relationship wears on, it becomes hard to be with someone who may not be right for you. As a result, many couples give up. If you are on this situation today, then here is a relationship break up advice to help you get through this hard situation.

Break ups can be amenable, but much of the time it is a very ugly situation. After a breakup, it is very common to feel disgust, contempt, or even hatred for your ex-significant other. If you have broken up with someone or someone has broken up with you and you are experiencing hatred toward them, this is a very unhealthy scenario. There are several reasons to try to get over the hatred you feel for your ex. First it is not healthy for you. Another reason is that there is no guarantee that your ex is as miserable as you are. The final reason is that you will find peace with yourself if you can get past this feeling of scorn.

The first reason to try to get over the hatred you feel for an ex is that it is physically unhealthy for you. This hatred that you feel for your ex causes extreme stress and unrest. This can be very bad for your body, as stress, not resolved, is a very harmful hormone that is released throughout your body. Seeds of hate can eat away at your physical body in a manner that is totally unhealthy. Being stressed out over something can make you physically sick. Stress has even been known to contribute to irregular heart beat. Your health is certainly more important than stressing over a past relationship.

Another reason to move past hatred you are feeling is that your misery may be one-sided. If you are hung up on your ex and are obsessing over your hatred of him or her everyday, you may be the only one suffering. The case may be that your ex has moved on completely and doesn’t even think about your relationship anymore. While you are being eaten up by a caustic emotion, the person who is the object of your hate is not even fazed. That is pretty unfair when you think about it.

The final reason to get over your hatred for someone you used to date, besides your physical health is your emotional health. Just as your physical health can be affected and deteriorate, your emotional health can do much the same thing. Hatred is an emotion that can torment the person experiencing it. You might begin to become reclusive, and you might withdraw from your normal routines, and friends. This is definitely not emotionally healthy for you.

Overall, it is just not a good idea to let anger and hatred get the best of you. There are so many negative effects on your personal life that you should try your best to, if you can’t forgive, forget. Though it won’t be easy like flipping a switch, you can talk yourself out of a negative mood and into a positive mood if you repeat the effort every single day. Remind yourself that you are a great person and that, when you are ready, someone else will be very lucky to be in a relationship with you. Keep your eyes focused on the future instead of the past, and you will find the inner strength to get you over your hate, and get on with your life after a bitter break up.