Friday, November 20, 2009

Worst Ways To End Relationship

Neil Sedaka’s 1962 hit “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” is not a pop song, it’s a statement of fact. Ending a relationship is never easy -- there’s always hurt, frustration, upset, and general unpleasantness. Though it’s not ever something that you can transform into a barrel of laughs, there are gradations of bad when it comes to ways to breaking up (and we're going to explore the worst ways to break up with a woman). After all, not all exes are immediately classed as pariahs. It is possible to have good memories of a past love gone wrong. However, you need to realize that no matter how much you've invested, no matter how many sweet and romantic things you've done, if you mess up the split itself, that’s how you’ll be remembered.

Think about it: It’s the last thing you’ll do as a couple, and if it’s horrible, it’ll be the first thing she’ll recall whenever she thinks about you. This translates into a pretty bad public relations move on your part given that if there’s one thing you can say about women, it’s that they talk. Certainly, women are resilient. The tears will dry and she’ll recover, but in the interest of upping the potential for fond recollection, you might wish to avoid the following worst ways to end relationships

No.10 - Under the influence

A little Dutch courage might make taking the plunge a touch easier, but a sloppy split becomes all the more sloppy if you’ve had one or two or a few too many. Being high is also, quite obviously, ill advised. It is near guaranteed that breaking up will not go well if you’re giggling uncontrollably, paranoid, jonesing for barbecue chips, or experiencing the symptoms of having used altering chemicals. This goes for her as well; if you know she’s not all there, it’s one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. You want to make sure that you are both of sound mind when you’re breaking the bad news.

No.9 - With cliches

Let’s just be clear here. Saying: “It’s not you, it’s me” is ridiculous. You’re breaking up with her. You don’t want to be with her. There’s something (or some things) about her that you just aren’t into. Also, saying: “Let’s be friends” is plain disrespectful. If you’re ditching the situation, you owe her the respect of taking a step back. Leave her alone. If you ended it, you have no say on the friendship potential. That’s her choice, and you need to suck it up, stay away and ditch the cliche mode as it is definitely one of the worst ways to break up with a woman.

No.8 - Mid date

Telling her that it’s over before, during or after a date is the emotional equivalent of an ambush. It’s just not honest. She’ll know immediately that your plans were disingenuous because that’s in fact exactly what they were. If the goal of the meeting is to finish the relationship, tell her that you need to discuss the relationship. Don’t tell her you’re going out for dinner or watching a movie -- and it doesn’t matter what movie, because a post-date breakup is bound to have an unhappy ending.

No.7 - Remotely

Yes, this is the 21st century, but breaking up is pretty much stuck in the past. Don’t even think about ending it online. Dear John letters have always been disastrous, so the modern equivalent via e-mail is completely unacceptable and flagged as one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. Yes, advances in online chatting and instant messaging now allow you to see and hear, but it still ain't live. Phone call breakups have never been easy, so be a man: Do it in person. And if all this doesn’t tell you that text messaging is an absolute no-no, you’re probably too far gone to be helped anyway.




No.6 - Post-milestone

If you have any inkling that it might not be right, you don’t want to be making any major moves like purchasing a house or a puppy. Everyone knows that divorce is not a walk in the park, but it’s also difficult to dissolve the partnership if you’ve decided to move in, buy a house, get a car, or make any other investment together. If making that investment doesn’t sit well, you need to get out of there. It’s never too late to end a bad situation, but why make it especially hard on both you and her by waiting even a minute too long and making it one of the worst ways to break up with a woman?

No.5 - By assumption

Sure, you’re clear on how you feel, but you’d better be sure she is too. Don’t take it for granted that a brief mention of how things aren’t going terribly well will be accepted as an end to the affair. What you say can be taken a number of different ways. You need to make sure that you limit this possibility for interpretation, so spell it out. Don’t count on anything less than a clear statement that the relationship is done. If you’re not saying it, she’s not going to hear it.

No.4 - Through provocation

When a little boy pesters a little girl, it usually means that he has a thing for her. If, instead of getting straight to the point, you turn pestering into provocation to locate a convenient moment to dissolve the partnership, this is going to be mighty confusing, annoying and angering for her and it's one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. Sure, you may disagree over which CSI is superior, but if you make this the relationship-defining issue, you can count on being confirmed as crazy.

No.3 - Publicly

Though from the outset, it may seem like a good idea to break the news in a public place, it’s like a no-man’s land, and that’s just the problem. With public breakups there’s no telling what might happen. In this situation, the event is simply not contained. If she gets upset, then you're responsible for making her cry in public. If she’s angry, you look bad as well. Public humiliation is never desirable (for you or her), so close the door to this possibility and stick to locations that offer you and your soon-to-be ex a level of privacy.

It’s guaranteed that it’ll be over if she finds out you’ve cheated, but you’ll also be forever known as the bastard she caught cheating. It doesn’t matter how much you want to get out, or how much another woman catches your fancy, you’re bound to look bad if there’s any awkward overlap. Also, once you’ve done the deed, you’re technically available immediately, but if you want to up the positive-memory potential, you’ll probably want to wait it out a bit (like the notice you provide when leaving a job, a couple weeks is probably enough) before bouncing back into the dating scene.

No.2 - By cheating

It’s guaranteed that it’ll be over if she finds out you’ve cheated, but you’ll also be forever known as the bastard she caught cheating. It doesn’t matter how much you want to get out, or how much another woman catches your fancy, you’re bound to look bad if there’s any awkward overlap. Also, once you’ve done the deed, you’re technically available immediately, but if you want to up the positive-memory potential, you’ll probably want to wait it out a bit (like the notice you provide when leaving a job, a couple weeks is probably enough) before bouncing back into the dating scene.


No.1 - Through avoidance

Again, clarity is the best policy. Yes, if you just quit answering phone calls, texts, e-mails, and your door, she’s bound to get the message, however, she’s also bound to get mighty upset, and you should know this is the worst way to break up with a woman. Unless you’re a glutton for punishment -- because it will take time and energy to dodge and weave between repeated cracks at communication -- take the high road and end it with dignity. She’ll most certainly still be hurt, but she won’t be left with the image of you as an unfeeling, insensitive ass who won’t pick up the phone.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best Way To Break Up With Someone

There are ways to go about breaking up that will give you the best chance for a smoother trip through one of life's most difficult passages. This is an exceedingly sensitive time when it doesn't take much to stir things up. Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible. So here is the Best way to break up with someone .

Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful. It is essential to avoid words and actions that escalate from hurt, fear, and anger to hostility, lawyers, courts, and huge expenses. That would be very hard on you, on your kids if you have any, and devastating to your pocketbook.

For couples who are not married, breaking up presents many of the same challenges. In this discussion, if you replace divorce with breakup and spouse with partner, it will work the same for you.

If you decide to separate, don't do one more thing or say one more word to your spouse until you understand the rest of this article, and have read the other articles listed at the end. The way you announce the decision, or respond to it, will make a huge difference in the way things unwind.

The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven't accepted the idea that you're breaking up. Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans. Once the decision is made, it is presented to the other spouse as a done deal and the sooner the better. Opportunities to solve problems and possibly save the relationship have been lost. What's worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance. This person hasn't had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.

This is not a good time to push along on the breakup, even though the first spouse is ready and highly motivated to do so. Moving along too quickly at this point is the root cause of a lot more trouble to follow. If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce. By being abrupt and insensitive, you can almost guarantee a bitter, expensive divorce.

If you want to encourage a sane resolution of divorce issues, be patient, be sensitive, but most of all, slow down. Give your spouse time to process the changes. Stay positive and as close to your spouse as possible. You can express caring and concern while being firm in your decision. Work with your spouse until you can both accept the fact that going your separate ways is inevitable, and you can both focus on moving forward. This is the best way to break up, and will lead to the best result.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Revenge Ideas On Ex Boyfriend

He promised you the world, then left you alone in it. There are times when you just have to let bad things slide; after all, bad things come all the time. However, when it involves two-timing ex boyfriends or no-show exes who do more than stand you up for dinner, then the thought of revenge becomes more than just a wishful desire.

People are often very creative after their hearts have been broken into more than two parts. In this list are ten ways two get revenge on your philandering, pompous and good-for-nothing boyfriend. Some of the items on this list may seem far-fetched, but believe it or not, all of these have been tried and tested. So here are the top Revenge Ideas On Ex Boyfriend

1. Oh Daddy You've Been Naughty!

Nothing will surely hurt your ex more than seducing and sleeping with his father or brother. Of course, the consequence might be unbearable afterwards. You will have to deal with being called a slut, whore, floozy and all those other words that connote a very sinful woman. By ready though, for if you do this, you will become the modern Mary Magdalene in front of your ex's eyes and his family. If you're really not into his next of kin, then there's always the best friend to go after and seduce.

2. Break up sex—NOT!

What guy could resist the allure of a proposal to have break-up sex? For him, the proposal spells fun, kinky sex with no attachments whatsoever; more, he'd think that such a proposal means that everything is cool despite the break-up.

Promise him that you'll don your sexiest lingerie, that you'll bring a bottle of champagne and that you'll give him a night of unforgettable bliss. Just be sure that you bring your handcuffs and your cold heart with you—it wouldn't be a good idea to back out from the plan on the last minute.

You can't carry out this plan in your apartment; it has to be in a motel or hotel, where he'll surely get embarrassed. The plan's simple: As soon as you get him naked, ask him to wear a pair of leather thongs. Handcuff him to the bed and that's it—you leave him there to scream for help.

You could also take pictures of him and use it for blackmailing purposes, such as if he squeals, then you'll reveal the pictures to his new girlfriend or to his family. Tell him that he won't be stuck there forever since you'll be asking room service to help him get out of bed the morning after.

3. Make him pay.It doesn't matter if your ex love was a cheapo or not, what's important is that he wasn't the man he presented himself to be. Making him pay, literally, is the best revenge if your ex was a philandering jackass or cheapskate who always wanted to be desirable in front of women.

What's more desirable than a man is what's in his wallet—his credit card. If you live in the United States, you could apply for a pre-approved credit card for him. You simply sign his name and his details and mail it back to the credit card company.

Once you receive the credit card, it's time to shop away! He'll be surprised to be called by the credit card company asking him to pay up.

4. Time for a makeover.

You've always been the perfect girlfriend, at least when it came to appearance and personal hygiene. You'd wax, trim and shave for him and always dress up properly for any occasion. Did he even know how painful a Brazilian wax was? If he did, but still let you go through it each time it started getting bushy down there, then it's time to give him one yourself.

Of course, this plan would require some scheming, seducing and drugging. Okay, the drugs may seem a little off hand so you could opt for booze to do the job instead. Simply offer him break-up sex, then drug or intoxicate him and tie him to his bed. While he's asleep, shave off his eyebrows and all his pubes down there and everywhere. Now he's not just a spineless bastard but a hairless one as well.

5. Kiss and tell.

If you're really bent on destroying your ex boyfriend's life, then go public! You don't have to air your hate for him on the TV or radio. With today's technology, you simply have to create a blog and publish all his dirty secrets there.

Take Brian Gorell, for example, who published a hate blog against his ex boyfriend, Filipino socialite, DJ Montano. Brian didn't do this out of mere spite, but to ask DJ, who owed him thousands of dollars, to pay up.

Another alternative is to set up a Multiply account or blog using your ex's name and dish everyone he ever hated. You'll be doing everyone a favor including your ex. With that blog, your ex no longer has to backstab the people he hates, and the people featured in his blog will finally find out what an ass he really is.

6. Kill him. . . Sort of

You can't literally kill him, since that'd be murder. However, there's another way you could obliterate your ex from the world of men, and all it takes is a published ad in the newspaper.

Write an obituary and make sure everyone knows about it. Sure, they'll call him up to confirm and think that everything's a joke. Yet, your ex won't find this prank funny at all. All those phone calls confirming his death will not only be time consuming but irritating as well. If you plan to do this, be ready to be labeled a crazy obsessed ex-girlfriend who needs meds and sessions with a psychiatrist.

7. Role Play.

If your ex-flame already has a new lover in his life, who happens to be the girl he was sleeping with while he was on the phone showering you with i-love-yous, then it's time to spread the hate. This plan will only work if your ex-boyfriend or his new girlfriend is still in high school or college.

If his girlfriend is still in high school or college, you should call his girlfriend's parents disguised as a counselor and talk to them about planned parenthood options. Make sure you make a reference to an abortion and say stuff like, "you don’t have to get one just because he won’t support it."

If your ex-boyfriend's still in high school or college you could do the same, except you tell his parents that their son doesn't have to support the child if they have the baby adopted. You could also tell their parents to lecture their children about safe sex and the perils of an early pregnancy or marriage.

Surely, any parent will flip out of their wits if they find out an unwanted pregnancy occurred. Too bad, though, that you won't be able to see the reaction on your ex-boyfriend's face when his parents or girlfriend confront him about the issue.

8. Make technology your new best friend.

The Internet has a lot of uses. Earlier, we mentioned about creating a blog or any online account that you could use to disseminate his dirty little secrets. Another option is to use the Internet to taint his image forever. You could create a youtube account using his information and upload nasty tranny and other pornographic videos under that account.

Next, invite his friends to view his account. His friends will be surprised that your ex is into kinky stuff they didn't even know existed. The best thing about using the Internet as a weapon is that your ex wouldn't know that you created the account on his behalf, unless you're sloppy enough to leave a trail of evidence leading to you.

9. Dump his stuff like he dumped you.

It may seem a bit immature but throwing his stuff away or having it auctioned or sold for the good of charity is a great way to piss off your ex. Include everything he gave you, yes, even that necklace you love so much, and throw it into the pile of "unwanted" stuff.

If you plan to sell all his stuff or have it auctioned, be sure to invite him to your event. He'll be stunned to see that most of his stuff is on sale or up for auction. If he says you can't sell or auction them, tell him that leaving his things behind made them yours.

10. Make him regret it.

There are many ways to get revenge on your ex, but the best way is to make him regret that he dumped you or that wasn't good to you—good enough, that is! Make him feel inadequate by going to the gym and shaping up.

You could also learn a new language or take up a new hobby to keep you busy. Point is, the next time you and your ex bump into each other, you should look and feel better than him. You could make him want you back and be the one to do the dumping this time around. Better still, you could date someone new and flaunt him to your ex the next time you both get invited to the same event.

By picking one of these ways, you'll surely not be just another faded memory in your ex's life. Instead, you'll be that (insert debasing word for a female here) that step.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

How To End A Relationship

It's time to end your relationship. But you're struggling to do it and always asking how to end a relationship . Here's some practical advice to help you bring your relationship to a close. Also what to do if you can't quite bring yourself to end it (even though you know you should).

A relationship not working out is rarely about blaming or there being anything wrong with either you or your partner. It's just that the two of you are not compatible. Remember this when going through the process. The only other significant reasons for break-ups are because of physical or emotional abuse. Virtually everything else is a compatibility issue.

Sometimes the truth hurts
'You're too fat, I don't find you sexually attractive and you're crap in bed'
Would you want to hear that? I doubt it. I also suspect you don't really want to hurt your partner, so sometimes it's best to avoid telling the whole truth. Not lie. Just not go in to all the details where you know it will hurt them.

Prepare for them asking 'Why?'
If your partner doesn't want the relationship to end they'll want to know why it's ending - so they can try to change. There's an easy way and a difficult way to answer this.
If you answer them with a reason about them, then they still have the option to try to change themselves and you've given them a life line to grab at. They'll definitely start to beg for another chance to change.

If you make it about you, then there's a lot less they can grab on to or argue about to make you change your mind. You may want to keep it simple, lines that I know work and may be worth memorizing are:

• It’s not you, I just have to focus on my career right now.
• I just don’t like who I become when I’m with you. I really need to sort myself out.
• I don’t think I’m really over my ‘X’, I’m sorry I made a mistake.
• I’m sorry I’m just not ready for this commitment right now.
• I just have a gut feeling that we’re not going to work out in the longer term and I really need to say goodbye.

In person, by phone or text!How? That's a common question.

The best way for them, and the one that shows most respect for them, is in person - face to face. It's also the most difficult for you to do. But the bottom line is that it's the one that your partner deserves.

If you really can't bring yourself to end it face to face then write a letter. Work out whether you want to offer to meet up and discuss it once they’ve read it. Sometimes a clean break is the only one that will work.

Never, ever, ever, ever by text. Yes, technology is great, but texting is highly inappropriate, offensive and hurtful. In effect is says you're only worth 10p and 180 characters. Not nice! To be honest, I knew you'd never consider that method anyway. But some people do ask.

Expect them to hit back (metaphorically!)
Sometimes people can take the end of a relationship in their stride. Sometimes it hurts so much that the only thing they know how to do is to try and hurt you back. That comes in the form mostly of verbal or emotional mud slinging. And yes, you may hurt as a result of it.
You'll question whether it was the right thing to do. You'll hurt because you'll think that what they've said or done is true. Try to remember, or remind yourself by reading this paragraph again, that they are only trying to hurt you because they feel so hurt inside themselves.
Rather than continue the mud fight, try to be a grown up and leave the argument before you feel the need to sling it right back at them. With all that mud around, it's a slippery slope.

When it's over, it's over
After virtually any length of intimate relationship you're going to yearn to get back together after wards, even if you're the person that ended the relationship and you knew it was 100% the right decision. This is normal and natural but it’s important that you resist it unless you’ve been apart for months and realize you’ve made a mistake.

Getting back together after a few days or weeks, just for old times sake, is generally just another way of extending the pain of a break up. It’s motivated by sadness or loneliness and is rarely a good idea. Try to avoid doing this, you only stand to hurt your partner more. And I know that’s not what you want to do!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love. For most of us it seems inevitable nowadays. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship that will tell if the break-up is due anytime now?

>> Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends?
>> Test your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner.
>> Are you calculating money nowadays? Do you let some occasion go without making a present?
>> Test yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?
>> Test yourself. Do you argue a lot? Even on small things, you and your partner seems to go down your history and fight all over again.
>> Test your inner heart. It’s all about in the heart. Do you feel that the spark is dying?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up.Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why People Wrote Breaking Up A Relationship Poems

Click any website that talks of sadness of love. You will get moist eyes after some time. The Breaking Up A Relationship Poems of some people about the sadness they feel after losing love are very emotionally shattering. Why should love bring so much sadness? When a loved one leaves for some one else, why do most of us feel devastated? For many of us it is an earth shaking experience. What was pure pleasure turns into absolute pain that is unbearable.

Why does lost love bring so much sadness? A lover cries her/his eyes dry with sadness, but the sadness does not go away. The more one tries to avoid thinking of the lost love, the more memories come back. Every spot where you shared something, every road where you walked together, every incident that you shared, they all become deep wounds that never heal. They take away the essence of living. They leave one lost forever in sadness with a loneliness that refuses to go away.

What do the people who leave their lover think after leaving? I have no clue to that. But I know one fact. Such brutes try to justify their action in many ways. This is their way of telling their own conscience that what they did was correct. Though they justify in many ways, I wonder if they ever are satisfied with their own explanations? One great advantage such people who leave a life sad is - They depart after giving so much pain that the one who is left has no desire or energy to go back to them and ask- Why? To meet one's lost love again may become very frightening because of the pain given before. One may begin perspiring at the very thought.

After knowing about this sadness, I can only say that one feels that death is better than to live with such sadness. Life becomes impossible. As there is no way to punish the brutes who leave a life shattered, the only prayer one can make is - God, please let her/him know about what she/he did. Please ask her/him to repent and come back.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Dirty Divorce Tricks

There are some things in life you will surely enjoy doing yourself: building a birdcage, making a sand castle, maybe even something as ambitious as buying a house. But self-filing for divorce can really be a headache if you don't know what you're getting yourself into. It may also be an emotionally painful experience, so make sure you have your ducks in a row before you research your options.

Here are a not so dirty divorce tricks that you can use to avoid hassle.

The reason you might file for divorce without the help of a lawyer or legal service is because it is simply a lot cheaper. The filing fee, to begin with, will probably be over $100 and if a response is filed, that number will only go up. It's understandable if you want to avoid any extra expenses, especially considering the financial and emotional toll a divorce takes on everyone involved.

But unless you have a strong grasp on what you're doing, then that lawyer or legal service might be a resource you regret not investing in. Nonetheless, here's how to file for divorce on your own.

There are a handful of requirements that you have to meet before you should even consider filing for divorce. In some states, you'll have to meet even more than the following requirements, but here's a basic idea:

" Whatever state you are filing for divorce in, you must have lived there for at least six months. As for county, your residency requirement is three months. (These state and county residency requirements may vary, depending on the region of the United States.)

" Do you have legal grounds to divorce? "Irreconcilable difficulties" is the most commonly cited reason for a divorce and it has an extremely broad definition, meaning it is rare that it's illegal for someone to file for divorce. If you've faced marital problems that have hurt the marriage and are irreconcilable, then you have legal grounds. There is also the option of "incurable sanity" that is only used in extreme circumstances.

" You will file for divorce in your county; the action for divorce must be presented in the court of your jurisdiction. It may difficult or a piece of cake to track down the proper court.

If your divorce is uncontested, it's fairly uncomplicated to file for divorce. It's when your husband or wife responds with a counteraction of some type that it starts to get rocky and a lawyer isn't really expendable. There are even online resources right now that allow you to do all your filing over the Internet; these usually cost money to use however.

In summary, to self file for divorce, you will need to fulfill the above requirements and file a petition for divorce with the correct court in your county and state. (More populated counties may have multiple locations that you'll have to review before filing.) Remember to check into your local requirements, for legal grounds and jurisdictions, so you aren't hit with any unpleasant surprises and hangups.

Friday, November 6, 2009

When Is It Time To End A Relationship

How does your relationship look? Is it full of arguments, misunderstanding and complaints? Do you feel that it is impossible to go ahead with this relationship even though it was once the best thing that happened to you? Have you tried everything from taking to counseling but still feel that the relationship is getting nowhere? Then, it is probably time to move on.

Leaving a relationship is not easy, especially if you have been together for a while. It is even more difficult when it is a marriage relationship. Both partners have become so used to having each other around that he prospect of starting over alone leaves them afraid. They would much rather put up with an unhappy relationship than feel alone. But unhappy relationships result in unhappy people and take a toll on every aspect of life from your job to your health.

When is it time to end a relationship ?

1. There is no joy in the relationship. There might have been a time when you looked forward to seeing your partner and spending time with them but things may have changed. If you no longer find happiness in being together and if there is no understanding in the relationship, it is time to move on.

2. There is no communication between partners. Partners tend to drift apart and avoid talking to each other. You ought to try your best to talk to the other person and let them know what you feel or what you are going through. But when all else fails, remember that there is no point in spending a lifetime trying to communicate.

3. You dread the prospect of being alone. If you find yourself desperately seeking the company of your friends, relatives and even kids just so that you can avoid having to be left alone with your partner, chances are the relationship is on the route to failure.

4. There are too many criticisms and complaints. You and your partner may have loved and appreciated so many things about each other but if these good things have given way to criticism and fault finding, it is indicative that you are not happy with each other.

5. Changing each other. Do you and your partner constantly keep trying to change each other? Relationships thrive when each partner accepts the other just as they are. There is no use trying to change someone into something that they are not.

6. Wondering about your relationship. Do you keep wondering whether you should continue in this relationship? This very fact shows that you have a gut instinct that the relationship won’t work.

7. You argue a lot. Fights and spats are part of every relationship and up to a certain extent, they are good and perfectly normal but there is nothing normal about arguing 24x7. If you keep fighting, it shows that you just can’t stand each other anymore.

8. Feel depressed. Do you feel awful and downright depressed when you think about your relationship with your partner? Then it is high time to put an end to it. Depression can ruin your health and your life. So don’t wait till you reach that point. Either get your relationship straightened out or just leave.

9. One-sided relationship. Is the relationship one sided with one partner doing all the giving and the other doing all the receiving? If so, one person is very unhappy in that relationship and it is time to work on it.

10. What do your friends say? Your friends may have noticed how your relationship has changed over time. Ask them for their opinion. Do they feel that you will be able to work around your problems or do they feel that you and your partner are simply not made for each other? Don’t hesitate to take their opinion and suggestions.

The most important thing to remember is to work hard on your relationship before walking out. Try all the possible means by which you can work things out with your partner. It is easy to walk out in a relationship but finding love and keeping it is a tough task.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Letting Go Of A Relationship

To many of us, being successful in terms of a career is important, but equally so is being content and fulfilled in a good relationship. When we think we’ve found it, our happiness knows no bounds. And when it seems like it’s over, we go through a gamut of emotions – anger, despair, grief, sadness, and depression. We feel lost and adrift, unsure what our next move should be. It’s actually very clear. It’s akin to losing a near and dear one. And when that happens, the first step is to let go.

Letting go of a relationship (and a partner) that has meant everything to us isn’t the easiest thing to do. But it has to be done if we have to move on, for we cannot live in the present and look ahead to the future until we achieve closure on the past. How can we let go? Letting go of a relationship involves letting go of:

1. The feelings/emotions
The anger, animosity and resentment you may feel towards your partner, now your ex. There could be a sense of betrayal if he cheated on you, or if you were the one responsible for the break-up, a feeling of guilt. Don’t stifle your emotions and bottle them up, but allow yourself to grieve over the demise of what could have been and possibly was, something wonderful. But you have to set a time limit – you cannot keep wallowing in grief and sadness – it will get to be a habit.

2. Envisioning possibilities
Don’t dwell on what might-have-been. Letting go of a relationship involves recognizing that it was not meant to be and that you have to set new goals and build new dreams. Avoid having unrealistic expectations or hopes that you may get back together. Or that he would change and perhaps become the person you want him to be or your problems will just get sorted out. Realize that the relationship has run its course and it is time to let go.

3. Your dependency
Often when we have been in a relationship for some time – a few months, a year or several years – we tend to lose our identity. We get used to having the other person around and derive comfort from the familiar. It isn’t easy to start getting used to coming home to an empty house or having dinner by yourself. It is something you will have to steel yourself to do if you have to wean yourself from your dependence on the other person.

4. Idolizing the relationship
It’s easy when you’re not with someone any longer, and especially if you’re miserable on your own to miss all the good times you shared. Happy memories are to be cherished but not to the point where that’s all you think about and aren’t doing anything about making new ones. You must remember that if there was so much happiness in the relationship, chances are you’d still be together. You probably had some very serious problems and unhappy times – times when you wanted out and couldn’t bear being in the same room with your ex. These are the times you have to think about and realize that your best bet right now lies in letting go of the past and enjoying your single life.

5. All contact
It has to be a clean break. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to call her one last time or give it just one more try. Don’t keep calling up friends and asking them if he’s already seeing someone new or if she’s as depressed as you are. If you are serious about letting go of your relationship you have to carve out a new existence, one that has no room for old baggage.

6. Your fears
If you have to truly let go of a relationship, you have to forget your apprehensions and worries about being alone and how you’ll cope. And you also have to learn to trust again. Not just someone else but also yourself and your instincts. One, two or even more broken relationships doesn’t mean that we should close ourselves off from loving again. After all, relationships may involve agony but they also involve ecstasy and life wouldn’t be complete without a healthy dose of both.

7. Generalizations
You cannot generalize and harbor false assumptions that just because your ex cheated on you, abused you or caused emotional damage, your next relationship/partner will follow suit. You cannot tar everyone with the same brush; after all there is such a thing as giving someone, and a new relationship, a fair chance.

8. Your sense of failure
Just as it takes two to tango and two hands to clap, it also takes two to makes a relationship work. Don’t berate yourself for what you could have done better or how you could have been more understanding. You’ve probably been terribly hurt but have also learnt a few valuable lessons about life and love in the process – something that will stand you in good stead for the journey ahead.

When you are ready to let go of a relationship and reconcile yourself to keeping the past in the past, you will experience an enormous weight being lifted off your shoulders and a sense of accomplishment that you have come out of the whole experience a much stronger person.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Reasons To Break Up

Each day, more relationships fall apart...it seems like the list of things that can end them is endless, but really most of the biggest killers are fairly simple. If your relationship is in danger or has already broken apart, I'm here to help you by listing off some of the main reasons people go their separate ways. Once you know what are the reasons to break up , you can now fix it!

1) Unfaithfulness is a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable breakups...so the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

2) Neglecting your partner's feelings is another really hurtful thing that can cause a breakup, and in fact does a lot of the time. People have emotions, even the guys who like to act like they don't so much...and it really hurts when they're never considered by the person whom the love the most. Always listen to your partner, and be considerate of how he/she feels.

3) Fights happen in all relationships, it's almost natural, but when tempers really soar and people just can't cool off and take things with a level head it can really cause dissension. Nobody likes to be with a person who's always flying off the handle, and can't be reasoned with. Conflicts are going to happen, but how well they're dealt with separates the people who stay together from the couples that fragment and scatter.

4) Movies have made it seem like it's only ever girls who get too controlling, and in fact film has made it even seem funny, but the truth is that both guys and girls can become overly demanding and controlling of their partners...and it's no laughing matter, as anyone who's been in that kind of relationship can tell you. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and if you keep hounding your partner about what goes on every minute of every day, you won't have him or her either.

5) Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6) Annoying habits in small numbers can be almost endearing, but when they start to take over it can be a serious problem. Usually just having a bad habit of biting your nails or tapping your foot won't end a relationship, but when these things are a blatant constant and in larger numbers than just two or three, they can add a lot of stress that can make normally minor problems impact your partner a lot more. Everyone has a few bad habits, but in the interest of peacekeeping it's a good idea to try to ease up on the things that really drive your partner crazy.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the "demise" of a relationship, and these are really just a few of them...but by thinking this way you should have a good shot at identifying any of the things that are really hurting your relationship...and if you're in the middle of a breakup, then addressing problems like these could really help your chances of getting through it with your partner still by your side!